Your teen communicates in Shrugs and Eye Rolls

Exactly how many times have you experienced your teenager rolling their eyes whenever you try to ask them about their day? Well, if you have any dignity left, I’m sure you’ve already stopped counting.

Each time, it’s the same story—you wait for them to return home after a long day. You greet them with their favorite dish and take the chance to start a conversation by asking how their day was. They shrug their shoulders, and if you’re lucky, you get a maximum of three words: “It was ok.” While you insist they share more, they’re already tapping their feet to the tunes of the latest techno beat (or whatever is trending these days). They respond, “What do you want?”

You reply, “Why can’t you share with me?”To which they respond, “I have nothing to share.”And this goes on for hours... and will probably continue for a few more years.

So, really—do they have nothing to share? Or do they just not want to share it with you?

Well, don’t take it personally. It’s not you. Okay, let me rephrase—it’s not entirely you.

Let me introduce you to a phenomenon that might give you some peace and partially let you off the hook. We’ve already discussed how the teenage amygdala is far more functional and dominant than their prefrontal cortex, which explains why teenagers react emotionally to various situations. But if that’s the case, why can’t they talk about their emotions with their parents?

Because of alexithymia—or, as I like to call it, the emotional literacy gap.

Teenagers often struggle to identify and manage their emotions, which creates a gap between what they feel and what they can express in words. As a result, they tend to respond with physical cues—shrugs, silence, eye rolls—instead of verbal explanations.

This emotional literacy gap can be worsened by several factors. Sometimes, teenagers want to express their emotions but hesitate due to fear of judgment, especially from parents and relatives, in households where topics like identity or sexuality are still frowned upon. Another major reason teenagers don’t share their emotions with parents is because they are guarding their independence. Sharing personal information feels like giving up control, which they fear could be used against them in some future argument.

You might argue, “But we’re not those kinds of parents. We let our teens watch Netflix and have sleepovers at their friends’ houses.” Unfortunately, if that were all it took to break their walls, adolescent psychologists like us would be out of work.

It’s hard to wear multiple hats while being their parent. Still, there are a few things you can try to help them open up and build a bond of trust and safety.

Shift from Closed to Emotionally Resonant Questions

Nothing good ever comes from direct questions—unless you're in a police interrogation room (which, for the record, is not the vibe you want to create). Instead of asking your teenager a straight, closed question like, “How was school?” try something more open-ended and engaging, like:

• “What was the weirdest thing that happened today?”

• “On a scale of 1 to ‘burn it all,’ how was lunch?”

• “Did your teacher say anything meme-worthy today?”

These humor-laced prompts feel less interrogative and more like an invitation to talk.

Side-by-Side Conversations Over Face-to-Face Ones

Always opt for side-by-side conversations rather than sitting them down across a table. Side-by-side talks feel casual and allow teens to open up without the pressure of eye contact. These can happen while driving, walking, cooking, walking the dog, or shopping.

In contrast, across-the-table conversations feel confrontational and emotionally intense—which can easily overwhelm teens.

And in the end, if you’ve tried everything but still don’t get more than a shrug and an eye roll—breathe. Don’t take it personally. Just say:“It’s okay. I’m here if you ever want to share.”

Because sometimes, what they need most is space and emotional safety, not solutions or pressure.